emo-

tak tau la kenapa but this month, mmg sangat2 bad mood. im not in the mood for almost anything.

rasa fed-up with everyone. seriously. i fed-up with my frens including my bffs.

penat la. serious penat. penat excited for day-out plans yang NEVER akan terjadi. penat. fed-up. penat contacting my bestfrens and all. penat. this might be selfish for me to say this but MOST OF THEM ARE SO DAMN SELFISH= they dont think about others feeling!

and its frustrating. coz semua orang harap aku je contact diaorang. tapi, ada sorang je yang contact ak. my bestfren of 10 years. she's the only one yang ym me la sume.

i felt so dihargai. she knew that im busy and i knew that she's busy. but then, atleast she contacted me. even by just saying hello in YM. and sometimes i do the same thing too. thanks Farhana! sayang kamu!

but the others... hhmmm... seriously menyampah la dengan diaorg sume! well, sume kat tempat laen la, sume dah ada geng laen la, so obviously la im not needed anymore. eh. ada la. needed to open the dictionary.

and the thing i regretted the most is, time first year kat AAJ, i was like tak rapat gile2 la dgn girls kat sini coz i have my bffs jugak kat sini.

people, bile dah berubah umur, they change too. thats what he said. well, its true. so, haluan time tu dah berubah la. mcm dah laen sangat. and almost everything that i told them, they are not interested in it. and vice versa.

cant really blame them. coz people change.

and sometimes whenever i have a problem and all, i tried to talk to them but it ended up me rasa sakit hati gile and so frustrated. they're my bff, so, i just diam je la. nanti gaduh lagi lak kan.

and then the ignoring thingy. i mean. come on la! do i look like i actually have the time to spend with them?? i struggled tau nak spend time with them! i tried my best to have the ample time so i cud go to their room and hang out kejap.

tu la. i should be like them la. tak bazir masa. coz its just a waste of time to contact ur frens and all. study.

now, in AAJ, im the only one yang takde groupy. a lone ranger i am. i can survive that. naseb baek athirah is a listener. call her pukul 3 pagi pn dia angkat. i mean, hebat gile kan. and could still listen to all my stupid stories and problems. thank you, anak encik ramzi! sayang kamu jugak! muah! coz you are one of the people who actually notice me.

yeah, im feeling crappy. and i feel so bad right now coz im saying bad things about my frens. but i am like a volcanoe. pendam rasa sume. this is the time i actually meletup. just in the bad mood right now.

but who could actually see that? susah la nak tau. coz im a hypocrite. even tgh bad mood camne pn, i would just buat macam takde pape. but akan bg hint that im in a very bad mood. and its up to them to notice that or not. kire figure it out urself la.

Ya Allah. help me. im just so tired of all of these. i couldnt not care coz i cant stop to care. but i have my final exam in 1 week time. and im having hard times studying. my family and their high hopes for me. i got B pn they all like bising2. and i got E once, last year, they still ungkit pasal tu. its tiring. its stressing. imagine having tests everyday. have to repeat the test if your mark is lower than 70. even if your mark is 69, u still have to repeat it. having careless mistakes in the papers. and people around you sume pandai2 and they dont do careless mistakes. they could understand what the teacher saying easily and all. i really need more strength right now coz i feel so down right now. and the university entrance exam is like 2 months to go. i couldnt help being unhappy..

wawa, any advice?