study mode

exams. exams. exams.

i dont know why but sumtimes its too stressful. i bet it must be because of the age~... u know, not a teen anymore.. 20... the age where u started to think too much. and everything is annoying to me. the expectations and all.

yes, examination week/month= i'll become a bi*** to everyone. even to my own family. except chocolate.

im angry at myself for being superly stressed out when my mom asked me how was my exams and all. because i really wish i could say to her "yeah, it was okay~" like last time when i was in high school, and then i'll get As. but not this time. my family's expectations of me somehow has become a big burden that is making me more stressful than ever. why is it that i was okay with it 2 years ago?

and they said, "its okay, u can do it." its just too annoying!!! -maybe its my ego.

thats y during examinations week, i dont like to contact my family. i dont want them to worry/tell me anything/ give me motivation or so on. plus someone will always be overreacting and whats worse is that whatever she said is what i do not want to hear at all coz its making me even more angry, stress, tension and so on.

haih...... yeah yeah.. bad mood....

maybe because its even harder here than in high school. duh.. higher level.. always frustrating about myself, about not be able to understand some classes (even worse when even the japanese couldn't understand the class). i really want to study with the Malaysian seniors here (the girls). but there is only one who's in the same department with me. and whenever i asked her, she said she doesn't understand the subject. well, that's why sometimes i went studying with another Malaysian senior who is in another university.

and i am still asking myself why couldn't i just have a normal conversation with the Malaysian girls in my university? it will be awkward. a few sentences and nothing... i could not talk. i don't know why. its like there's no connection at all. the only topics i know are: study, classes, subjects, exams, anime, manga. and i dont get it why is it that being polite is weird? and about the guys here... tak payah cakap lah. im not comfortable with guys unless they're otaku. or nerd... which is why i felt more comfortable with the aikido club members (coz there are otakus there). yeah.. i think im a racist... why couldnt i fit in with them?? tensionnya!!

ok, back to the topic. if i were a guy, i would've go to the senior's house and study there. although i have a tutor, friends, but studying with a Malaysian senior is even better kan? kinda envy with one of my friend who could study with our seniors (population of male students here are like 80%). sometimes i wish i were a guy... but of course i am thankful to be a girl. I LOVE BEING A GIRL! oh, and i see/contacted the seniors from other universities more than i do with my own. i think without the weekly tadarus, i would be super lonely. all of the advice and good FOOD~ i love weekly tadarus! thanks kakak2!

Alhamdulillah for the Quran. beautiful words that could ease my stress(and its frens). tenang sikit kan?

so, for those who are still sitting for their exams, good luck and all the best! remember to work hard, pray, and then just leave it to Allah~